The Celebrity Traitors UK are back for season 2 and wait...Richard just said what!! ? Season 2 EP #1 Recap and Reaction

Seeing Michael Sheen walk in I was like, YES! This is gonna be good! I love him in everything! He is so entertaining and very endearing. I hope he gets to the end. "I've no idea what I'm walking into, both literally and figuratively. I'm a huge fan of this game. Now it's my turn. I feel like, as an actor I'm already at a bit of a disadvantage because everyone just thinks, 'well they just lie for a living, don't they?', which I don't think is necessarily true". Befor we can ponder on that in walks the next contestant.

Maya Jama, hmmm, no idea who that is. Broadcaster and entreprenuer it says on the screen - ok dokes. For overseas viewers like myself she might also be an unknown. But hey, that doesn't mean we aren't going to love her by the end. I'll say this much, she is absolutely stunning. "I think people mostly see a glamourous, done up (um,yes, your hair is like silk and you are sashaying down the aisle in long black high heel boots and what looks like a sexy, silky plastic trenchcoat) tv host,but actually, I'm not very serious, I like wind-ups, I like taking the mickey (is this her trying to be one of us normals? I can't believe it, she is glowing like a freshly unwrapped detective barbie) and also, I can be a bit of a menace if I wanna be". Ok, that I believe. Gorgeous people can get away with being absolute cunts. I'm not saying she is one, but she could spit in Michaels face right now and he'd probably just politely laugh and offer her a hankie.

"This is so weird! Isn't it weird?" says Joe Lycett as he walks down the aisle in a polkadot 2 piece with a fluffy violet collar and socks to match. It's a massive juxtapose to Mayas earlier entrance. "Here comes the bride", sings Maya. Umm, is this cattiness coming out? Is this her making fun of Joe's outfit? (Sorry Maya, we all can't pull off sexy detective) He's letting it slide because she's just too stunning to insult. Either that or he didn't hear her. And it appears he's already in game mode, "So, out the front it said 'Famous Last Words'". This is also noticed by the next person to enter.

Dude in the lime green jacket. Bare with reader. For I know not who this is.

Julie Hesmondhalgh - known for her dramatic roles in Coronation St and Broadchurch is here. "I think that playing characters, like I've played for many years, becuase I'm always goodies, could definitely stand me in good stead in the game". She may play goodies, but she also plays characters who get trodden on, and Michaels joke, "you stay over there" to Julie who is sat alone on the pew while the other 4 sit together and her quip back, "I do feel a bit isolated" is a premonition of what is to come.

Romesh Ranganathan is next to come in, shuffles down the aisle and plonks himself down beside Julie. "Is there anyone here you don't like?". "Yeah". "Yeah, same"

Ross Kemp is in the building ladies and gentlemen. "Having been on tv for 43 years now, the perception of me is tvs tough man. This is completely new territory for me. The feeling is one of fear, anticipation and also excitement". The ever upbeat Romesh turns to him, "how are you?". "Really nervous". "Yeah same".

Jerry Hall, iconic model from the 70s/80s, is here. She hasn't said anything yet, but she looks cool and confident.

Bella Ramsey is on Traitors!!!? For some reason I just assume these 'reality' shows are for celebs who maybe haven't worked in awhile and need to get their face back out there or/and are needing to pay off the double glazing they've just had installed. But then I remember that this is Traitors. This program is BELOVED the world over. Even by celebs, and these guys are all obviously fans. They are all nervous and/or buzzing to be here. Bella looks chuffed. I'm chuffed that they have made time in their busy schedule to be here! And they are doing a very graceful slow step down the aisle. I hope they make it to the end as well. I'm a big fan of them in Birdie and of course the top 2 - GOT and TLOU.

We've got a slow-mo James Blunt walking into the church. "I've been a traitor all my life. I'm the guy who tells everyone that they're beautiful, when, they're really, when they're not" laughs James. But I can't get over the fact it's listing his age as 52!? He has not aged. "For once in my life I'd like to be a goodie, I'd like to be a faithful". Ask and ye shall receive, James.

Who is this that Julie is sidling up to now? It's Myha'la, an actor, "I've watched all of Industry!" Julie gushes to a very modest and bashful Myha'la. I'll be honest. This is another person I don't know. But I'm looking forward to finding out about her.

Richard E. Grant has entered the building. He's just strode right on in, with extreme purpose. He. Is. Here. To. Play. "The atmosphere in the church was very sonorous and respectful. I so love this game. I was immediately consumed. If I'm chosen to be a traitor that would be like wining the jackpot, that's the whole point of it". Oh dear, Julies up off her seat again. "Hello Richard, nice to meet you!". Julie, get back to your seat, there'll be time for niceties later round the fire with a glass of champers!. Richard is In.The.Zone.

James Acaster is here, "Cool, yep, hi". Nod, wave, sit. He really is so economical with his words. I've had a soft spot for him ever since his go on Celebrity bake off and his infamous line when asked about his bakewell tart, "Started making it, had a breakdown, bon apetite!". Can I have a favourite so soon in the game? I'm going to. James, you're my number 1. Do me proud!!

Hannah Fry [ahem, Professor] has entered the church. "You've got popstars, you've got actors, you've got megastars, and then, at the back, a mathematician, sure". Ok, well you may see yourself as a mere mortal amongst that lot but we all know better. I guess this is, "the brains" of the game. She could do very well, or be voted off very quickly, such is the curse of the brainiacs.

Someone has just come in hot on the heels of Hannah and sat down next to her. Not sure who this is but she's done pray hands to whoever is in front. Have we got a diva in the house? Is this singer Leigh-Anne Pinnock? Another face I do not recognize. Welcome Leigh-Ann. Namaste.

Amol Rojon has just entered the building and his mouth is agape. He's just happy to be here. "Twenty years in journalism my mates find it absolutely farsical that I'm this guy that's on the news kind-of asking tough questions. I'm basically a pretty nice guy, but I'm also acutely conscious we're in game mode now". Ok bro. Tell it to your face. He is absolutely starstruck gazing at Jerry Hall next to him.

Mirandas here! Miranda! Miranda Hart. If a surname is even needed. It isn't really. Such is her starpower, she is up there with, what I call, Madonna, Zendaya and The Rock. Like The Highlander, there can be only one. I'm really hoping we hear, "Bear with" at least once during the game. "I've got no gameplan whatsoever, someone says 'strategy', I barely know the meaning of the word". Hmmmmm, really Miranda? Methinks thou dost play the fool, when we all KNOW you to be a very funny and intelligent woman. However, this could be a smart way to play the game. Throw them off the scent. "Oh Mirandas not a threat, no need to vote her off too soon". Yes! Wise woman. Keep up the charade. You will go far!

"What are we doing?", Sharon Rooney has arrived, and, oh my, she has the most lovely Glaswegian accent. I did not know she was scottish. What a thrill. She is a great actress.

King Kenny, boxer and content creator, is here, "Hello, hello,hello hello". "Everyone always says that I've got a very innocent face, so maybe I could just use that to my advantage, and, I need to avenge Niko". If you watched series 1 Niko Omilana was the second person to go. So keep your head down, King, and hopefully you'll get further than Niko.

Rob Beckett is next in, "I didn't even get booked, I was just passing, I just popped in for a quick pray".

Joanne McNally is next, "it was quite nerve wracking because I had no idea what was going on". "My strategy is performative stupidity". Ok, having seen you in Taskmaster I know you can pull that strategy off. That is not a slight on Joanne. It's the perfect way to play it. Alan Carr did it in the first series so we all know it works. I predict she will get to the top 6.

Then suddenly a coffin was brought into the church and set on the table and out came Claudia. "You're all in showbusiness. It is a fickel world, full of flattery and backstabbing, and, I'll think you can agree, it's very important to know who you can trust. So for me, a little exercise; I would like you, to decide, right now, who is the most trustworthy amongst you?".
"Bro! We just got here!" says a shocked King Kenney. And I think everyone is thinking the same thing, Is there about to be a murder, already!. Hannah is looking ecstatic! "Go!" says Claudia.
"How do we..." begins Maya, but then straightaway, "Sharon!" says Julie. "Waaah?" says Sharons face. "I think you, I think you" says Hannah, pointing straight at Julie. Everyone else starts chiming in with"Julie, you've got an innocent face", "Julie, it is you", "Julie", "You stood up and hugged everyone first" says Maya.
"But hang on, we don't know what this means, does this mean she goes in the coffin and do we want that?' points out Joe. I mean, thats what I was wondering too so I bet everyone else also thought that and were up for sacrificing her.
"Yeah its a win, win" jokes Romesh. Everyone laughs. Miranda looks slightly guilty.Well guys, turns out it's a fabulous gift for Julie. 2 shields, which she opts to use to give herself and Joe immunity from the first murder. Joanne looks annoyed. Maybe Joanne isn't a fan of Julies? It'll be interesting to see if Joanne tries to instigate voting Julie off in the near future.
"I was in a church with Ross Kemp and Jerry Hall and then Claudia Winklemann climbed out of a coffin and gave me a shield. That's not a normal sentence" jokes Joe Lycett. You're in Traitors world now Joe. Nothing will be normal from here on out.
"I'll see you all around the round table where I will choose the next traitors" she says befor leaving.

Next up the celebs are back to the castle, which they are all impressed by, and straight to the bar. And finally some words from Lime jacket guy who turns out to be...

Sebastian Croft, musician and actor. "I'm the biggest fan of this show which nobody knows" [till now], "it's one of those games where you have to kind of fly under the radar at the beginning, so I'm hoping the fact that I'm slightly less well known or slightly younger means people will have less of an expectation from me and that is great". Sometimes it's great. But sometimes it backfires, because if they don't know you at all then they project and the paranoia of who is a traitor quite often falls on the lesser known celebs. Oh well, just enjoy the cocktails and nibbles while you can Sebastian. And remember if it all goes to shit and you get voted off first, you have your youth and beauty to fall back on.

James is marching around the castle already in investigator mode. "In my head I am a proper tv detective. I want to experience what it's like to be a faithful, in my one opportunity to play this game. As soon as I came in the castle I started looking for patterns, for clues, and did I keep them to myself, No". "See that perfume bottle there," he says to Maya, pointing to an old fashioned bottle with pump., "I thik it's something they're going to use to murder us with in plain sight". "I just get too excited at puzzles". "Look there's some perfume bottles in this picture. Look that same perfume bottle is in the room. One of those people might get made a traitor, then they're gonna go, 'Right, well obviously we're going to get rid of Acaster'. Yeah, this is not good" he worries to the camera. Don't worry, I'm sure everyones too excited to really be listening, and the only person you've really been outspoken to so far is Maya. Just stop speaking all your investigative thoughts OUT LOUD.

Ohhh, Richard and Rob are talking about being a traitor. Richard really, really wants to be a traitor. Is it wise to be so outspoken about this? I would be more like, "Oh no, I want to be a faithful, I could never be a traitor, I couldn't lie like that..." and then to Claudia I would be like, "I've got them all fooled Claudia, gimmee the shoulder tap, I've a mind for murder! mwahahahaha!"

They're all making their cases to Claudia.
"I can lie, I lie to Romesh, 'Great gig'" - jokes Rob.
"I can read Rob" - says Romesh. I think those two cross each other out. Either they would have to both be a traitor or neither.
"I googled how to have a face that is trustworthy, you have to have big eyes and a small smile", says Joe.
"Can you murder?" Claudia asks Amol the newsreader, "with relish" he answers. And then he gives a wink later at the roundtable. Ewww. He's giving ick vibes.
"Would you like to be a faithful or would you like to be a traitor?" asks Claudia.
Sebastian: "Traitor"
Rob: "I wanna kill", "Do you!?" Claudia laughs, "Really Bad". Jeese. Steady on Rob.
Myha'la: "I will be the best traitor of all time". I admire your confidence love, "I'll also be the cutest". Ugh. Barf.
Julie: "Traitor"
James: "I'd like to be a faithfull, 100%. I can't really be anything but myself, and if I imagined, in my wildest dreams, getting to the end, I'd much rather be standing there and be able to say, 'I'm a faithfull' "
Miranda: "Faithful. I absolutely believe I'm a psychological sleuth. Ms Marples in the house"
Leigh-Ann: "Traitor. I have a very soft, sweet nature that I'm going to hopefully use to fool people" - Claudia doesn't seem convinced.
King Kenny: "I'm an undefeated professional boxer, that competitive nature, either being a faithful or a traitor, I can really take it all the way". Errrm, ok, but that's not the answer she's after dude. One or the other.
Bella: "Absolutely love to be a Traitor".
Maya: "I would be, hopefully, an unassuming, warm, misleading, manipulative traitor"
Hannah: "I think I'd make a better faithful than a traitor". Claudia: "Tell me why?" Hannah:"I'm like, dripping with prefect energy, ya know?" - hahaha, truer words were never spoken Hannah. The buckets overfloweth.
Amol: "I'd like to be a traitor. I'm 90% that nice warm guy that's on the news, but I'm also 10% psychopath". Guy, the energy you're giving off is more 20% psycho, 80%ick. Why do you keep telling us you're " a nice guy"? I'm not buying what you are selling.
Claudia asks Richard to give 3 words to describe how he would be as a traitor.
Richard: "I'm utterly ruthless". "No guilt?" asks Claudia.
Richard: "No guilt! It's a game!". Ohhh, she likey that answer. I think you might get your wish Richard!

"Players, please, put on your blindfolds", commands Claudia. She begins the slow, stomp around the table. EEEEEEEEK Maya has been picked. I hope this doesn't mean James is gonna be on the chopping block. EEEEEEEE, Richards a traitor! Exciting!
It's so funny when they all take off the blindfolds and look around at eachother like they're picking up some sort of clue. hahahahaha! But wait, the traitor line up isn't complete until the first murder!? What does it all mean!?
Rob: "All right then, who is it? Richard, are you happy?"
Richard: "Well, how are you feeling?"
Rob: "I've asked you the question, Are you happy?" Fuuuuuuuuuuck! That convo they had earlier has really come back to bite Richard.
Richard: "I'm always happy". Has he got away with that? I dunno.

Skip to the bar after the roundtable. They're talking about what claudia meant by the remark that the traitor lineup wasn't complete.
Joe: "Me and Julie have the shields so if any of you are traitors you can't kill me"
Richard: "Or you could be a traitor, who's just got a shield?"
Joe: "I could, but I'm not, I'm faithful. What are you?"
Richard: "Traitor"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RICHARD!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe, does a double take:"You're what!?"
Richard raises his glass:"Traitor"
Joe, again checking: "Are you?"
Richard, glass to mouth: "Yeah".
I mean. FFS Richard. Just get that liquid in your gob. Anything to stop you confirming anymore that you ARE IN FACT A TRAITOR!!!!!
Everyone in the room is taking it in and trying to process.
Richard: "I mean whats the point of being in the game if you're not?"
There's polite laughter around the room.
Joe: "Right, ok."
James: "It's an interesting angle"
Rob is in hysterics. No-one can quite believe what they've just heard.
Joe: "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, and what are you Richard?" ,{whispers} "a faith--"
Richard {nods in understanding}: "I'm a faithful".
FFS. Has the damage been done? I mean Rob, Joe, Ross, King Kenny, Sebastian James and Jerry were all in the room to hear that exchange.
Joe: "I think you've just done something that's never happened in the game".
Oh my god. Is this going to be the quickest a traitor has ever been voted off? Good thing a third traitor is on the way. Richard is for the chopping block at the first round table surely? WHAT WAS HE THINKING!?
Rob: "Bold strategy?"
Jerry has a different take: "He's acting out because he hasn't been chosen". Let's just hope the others see it that way.
Skip to the tower. Maya is dumbfounded that Richard is the other traitor, "you've been saying you were a traitor and you are!?" "You're in trouble already!".
Claudia tells them that tomorrow they will have a face to face with two faithfuls who will have to plead their case to stay, as a traitor. The other will be murdered.
Surely it'll be Rob and Joe. Oh wait, Joe is safe with the shield. Who will be the secound?
Oh no, James is in the car with Maya again and telling them that Richard is the traitor. No James NOooooooooo!

1st Challenge - The Traitors Ship Wreck. 3 chests contain gold and part of a code. If they crack the code they get even more money towards the prize pool. But they have to do it all within 25 mins, befor the ship blows up. "Go!" says Claudia.
And immediately James Blunt and Ross Kemp start shouting some very helpful instructions to everyone, to get them into teams to each be focused on different areas. A really good tactic, and I must say, James Blunt is really attractive shouting out those orders. And then Ross, when a whole team were struggling with a crate, he'd just drag one on his own, with that Kemp strength. Phrwoar! Hot.
They all did really well in this challenge. Working together. Jerry wrenching those crates open with her trusty crow bar. They completed the task with seconds to spare. Everyone was elated. Bella ran up and placed a captain hat, that had been on the skeleton, on Ross' head. He immediately turned to her and asked, "did you just kill me?". The paranoia has begun. "No" says Bella. But in the car back he kept talking about it. Uh oh, I hope Bella doesn't get voted off for that moment of elation.

Back at the castle everyones discussing who is the traitor. The others from James Acasters car, Kill Kenny, ahh I mean, King Kenny, is telling Richard that James A is certain he's a traitor. Everyone else is confused. He's trying to play it off as disappointment, that he said he was a traitor simply because he wanted to be able to say it, even though his dream hadn't been fulfilled and he was actually a faithful. He seems to have swayed Miranda to his side.
Leigh-Ann walks past Ross and rubs his arm - he takes that as another possible murder attempt and confronts her about it. His paranoia is HIGH.

Hannah talking to Kenny: "I tell you whose name hasn't come up tonight, Maya".
Kenny: "she'd make a great traitor".
Ohhhhh Hannah. You're onto it girl!!

Up in the Turret. Amol, Romesh, Bella and James are all mentioned as possible recruits. I'm so worried for James because he didn't want to be a traitor. He was so keen to do it as a faithful. I'm scared he's going to throw it if he is asked to make the case.
"Have you reached an agreement?" asks Claudia. They have. They hand her the envelopes.
Amol and James are up for the chopping block!!!! Off to the church they go.
They have to plead their case.
Claudia:"If you don't want to be a traitor you can make that known, but you know how that will end up". I think she said that as a warning for James. Please don't throw it james!!!

James is up first. He makes a good case:
He says he believes everyone thinks he's a faithful and that up until this point he has really, really been pushing Richard as a traitor so if he was to go home that would confirm everyones suspicions. He says because everyone believes what he says he can get the heat off Richard. He also says to Maya that they got on well and were already working like a team. Well ok James, if you call telling her every single thing you thought, which landed you in here as working as a team, ok, maybe from your side. I hope this is enough to keep you in.
Amol is up next. He basically just regurgitates what James said. No-one suspects him as a traitor, he's established good relationships, he KNOWS they'll believe what he says. He thinks he's uniquely placed to take the heat off Richard. In what fucking world? I'm sorry Amol, but you threaten dear James and you have to go.
James and Amol get in the coffins. Maya and Richard conferr on what to do. Claudia asks them for their choice. They whisper it to her. She goes over to the coffins and starts prowling back and forth between them and then a coffin bangs shut, but whose was it!!!???

END OF BLOODY EPISODE!!!!!! NO CLAUDIA!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!